truth-telling

I dropped in on a drop-in group today. I could tell that it was the right thing for me to do when I became anxious this morning, knowing that I was approaching an emotional precipice -- preparing take a peek over the edge.

My destination was a bereavement support group and others like it quietly exist most everywhere because they are needed. They welcome anyone who is mourning the loss of someone they cared for, whether family or friend. It wasn't easy to step in the door, but once there I could sense a familiarity among all of us around the table. Every loss is different, but in the words of Earl Grollman, "One touch of sorrow makes the whole world kin."

Still, the last time I'd done this was eleven years ago after my father died. That time it had taken me hitting the wall several months after the fact to realize that his loss had left me with a deep sadness and had also triggered long-buried feelings related to a traumatic loss some years earlier. Hospice bereavement services were there when I needed them that time and a friend reminded me of this group after my mom's death...just in case.

So today for ninety minutes I was with people who get it, despite our different circumstances or elapsed time since the deaths of our loved ones. This isn't an indictment of anyone who isn't grieving, but there's an acceptance and (often unspoken) understanding among those who come to these rooms. When I left the meeting and got on the road again, my chest gently ached -- a tender reminder that I'd opened myself to the experience and aftermath of my mother's death once more. Not a bad thing to do.

Daily routines and obligations keep us moving along and don't offer a reprieve to check in with how it's going, what's coming up because of some bittersweet marker date, or to be able to listen to and be there for someone else who might need the same. With day and evening groups nearby, I know that I'll be able to find solace and comfort when I need it, even if I say nothing. Not only hospice-connected, there are grief counselors and other groups and programs available. Like AAA, you don't think about it until you need it. What a gift.

By the way, my word for today was Truth.