slow leak

Was finishing the Sunday Globe this morning and saw a notice about the author of a children's book: "Cranky Pants". I laughed out loud -- what a great title, and I could relate.

Last week someone was considerate enough to call with information in response to an e-mail I'd sent. My impatient reaction to discussing business tipped me off to the fact that I needed to take some time off. In an instant, I'd become "cranky pants". My friend/colleague understood and took no offense at my less-than-enthusiastic reaction, but I could tell that I needed a breather.

It would appear that the weeks of activity surrounding my mother's death -- and trying to integrate what physically and emotionally remains -- have taken their toll. I know this intellectually, but suddenly there I was limping to the side of the road as though I had a flat. It had been deceiving to be able to pick up work with little trouble, but there came a tipping point that only my body and spirit knew when, I guess, enough was enough.

So I'm off the clock this week and while I don't expect to "get over" anything in this time, it's recuperative and relaxing...with no deadlines or commitments.

I love movies and have managed to catch up with one I'd taped on PBS recently, "Whale Rider". Such a wonderful story that I watched it twice. And yesterday I watched "The Contender" (Joan Allen, Jeff Bridges). It turns out that both were stories inspired by or dedicated to daughters.

The first came from an outing that the story's author had with his young daughter, who'd questioned why it was always boys who got to do big things (I'm working from memory here.). Amazingly, that's still the case in many places. So Witi Ihimaeraa wrote a story about a Maori girl who defies tradition regarding leadership in her New Zealand village. The film (based upon the book) is worth checking out just to see Pai's (Keisha Castle-Hughes) touchingly brave speech at a school event.

And "The Contender" has a woman being nominated to become Vice President following the death of the previous office holder. It's a political thriller and the spirit of Pai is alive and well in Joan Allen's adult character. It was inspiring and challenging to watch the "gentlelady from Ohio," as she was repeatedly addressed by her adversaries. Grueling tests of her integrity and honor -- and others' -- played out at the highest levels of government and lowest levels of politics. See for yourself how it turns out.

At the end of "Contender," the screen blackened and "For Our Daughters" (again working from memory) appeared. Only then did I make the conscious connection with "Whale Rider". Generations of tradition and history -- and women's lineage -- led to both of these characters' choice points...their defining moments. And while most of us don't see our lives up on the screen, I think that many women would be able to relate to what unfolds in these powerful films.

So once more, art (in one form or another) is filling what was empty. Good to know that my slow leak isn't irreparable, but it was a nudge -- and a reminder -- to pull into a rest area for awhile. Good news: I'm less cranky, too.