-gifting

There's increased talk this year about re-gifting including the etiquette and legitimacy thereof. It all reminds me of a friend used to bemoan her mother's practice of wrapping and sending something familiar, worn or used with little sentimental or practical value to her. This was decades before the term was coined and given a veneer of respectability.

This year I'd like to introduce a new word into the vernacular: pre-gifting.

An inveterate tea drinker, only occasionally will I indulge in a cup of decaffeinated coffee, which dyed-in-the-wool coffee drinkers find laughable. Still, I decided to give a group of caffeine-powered co-workers a coffee maker for Christmas this year. As luck would have it, I spotted one on sale that was just the ticket. However once I'd brought it home, I began to have second and third thoughts that ran something like this.

Hmm, I could certainly give them this spanking new, shiny machine or I could keep it and pass along my older, albeit smaller but still serviceable one as a non-gift and get them something else for Christmas. It's the same thought: being able to enjoy their favorite brew without having to run out or spend their hard-earned money. It is the same, right? Hmm...

While that internal debate raged on, I decided to enjoy a rare cuppa using my old, albeit smaller but still serviceable machine. I chose a flavored un-decaffeinated coffee sample and brewed an aromatic 4-cup pot which translates to two mugs by my standards. It was ambrosia, and I settled in to enjoy every irresistible drop while I pondered my gift-giving dilemma. It was so good going down.

However, it wasn't long before I heard myself jamming far too many words into the teeny tiny speaker on my phone. My hands ~ vibrating like tuning forks ~ had taken on a life of their own, and I was generally acting as though (to quote my grandmother) I had ants in my pants. My stomach was upset and I was off the wall (and ceiling) for the next five hours.

Debate over. Message received. Imagine what damage I could have done nursing more than two mugs! I didn't even wait to wrap the 12-cup coffee maker but delivered it immediately with all my good wishes and without a backward glance. Seeing their smiling faces and still under the influence, I was merry and jangling all the way.

That's how I came to call this phenomenon of push me/pull me regarding giving or keeping gifts "pre-gifting." It pretty much covers the endless waffling, second-guessing, afterthoughts, to and fro, and angst-ridden tug-of-war that precedes (and sometimes precludes) freely giving presents to others that one would secretly, truly like for oneself.

Perhaps it's the opposite of my friend's mom who proffered items she didn't want and not so secretly thought her daughter might. Or did she care? I call that de-cluttering and they unquestionably would have gone into my non-gift category. On the other hand, I suppose the true gifts are in the heart of the giver and the eye of the beholder. Who can say?

Given how it worked out, I like my version and the result. My heart was in the right place, and now my stomach is as well.